Thursday, July 19, 2012

Day 8: There is just so much to take on

There is a lot of shit that I have to walk through. Sometimes I don't even know where to begin. I tend to have thoughts like "oh I need to look at this" or "this is another thing I need to investigate" and random times throughout the day these thoughts arise. They are all worthy to investigate but they come up so often that I get distracted and don't know where to begin. It is a too-much-ness or overwhelmingness. This has existed within me on and off ever since I have started this process.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become overwhelmed within this process to the point of standing still, not knowing how to walk or what to take on. I realize that there will be many points that I have to walk through and I realize that the only way to take this on is to take on one point at a time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to give up because everything in this process seems like too much to take on. I realize and accept that the way to stop these overwhelming emotions is to take on one point at a time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be overwhelmed with all of the points that I will have to take on.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be overwhelmed to the point of feeling like I can't breathe.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that excessive amounts of thinking results in feelings of overwhelmingness and feeling as if I can't breathe. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about all the points I have to take on instead of realizing that thinking about all these points takes me away from effectively taking on one point at a time. I realize that when I think about all the different things that I accept and allow within/as me that I blind myself from effectively taking on one point at a time. When and as I notice myself thinking about multiple points to take on - I stop and breathe. I do not accept or allow myself to become overwhelmed with everything that I accept and allow myself to exist as. Instead I take on the one point that I am working on.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that taking on one point at a time is the only way to stop this too-much-ness feeling that exists within/as me.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to slow down and breathe when I feel overwhelmed.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that one cannot take on too much at a time - as being overwhelmed with all the points one must take on emits a lot of unnecessary amounts of thinking. 

I commit myself to take on one point at a time in my process instead of jumping around and back and forth between points with no clear understanding of what I am taking on.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when and as I am flooded with thoughts about what I will eventually have to investigate and sort out.

I commit myself to investigate what I accept and allow within one singular point, committing myself to the very point I am investigating.

I commit myself to investigate one point at a time and within this investigate all areas that are connected to that singular point, as all areas that are connected to one singular point are part of that singular point.

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