Friday, August 10, 2012

Day 24: Pipes and Resin

So I have a couple of pipes in my desk where I use this computer. One of these pipes belongs to my friend. I don't even know why he left it here. There is resin in this pipe and I know I could smoke the resin in this pipe and get high. Throughout the day I keep thinking about how I could just smoke the resin in this pipe and get high. I thought something like "If I smoke resin then I am not smoking weed, so it should be ok" LOL. I have committed myself to not smoke weed for 21 days and smoking the resin that is in my friends pipe is the same thing as getting high, its just not as good as smoking actual weed. So I have been tempted because this pipe is right here in front of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about the pipe inside my desk at random times throughout the day.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that smoking resin isn't the same as smoking weed instead of realizing that whether you smoke resin or weed you are still getting high. I realize that the resin created by smoking weed in a pipe is the same substance but in a different form.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let this pipe stay in my desk that I open everyday therefore visually reminding myself of how I could get high because it is right in front of me and I visually see it. I realize that when I see a pipe that I will have thoughts of want/desire to get high but if I remove the pipes I have from my existence then these thoughts will be lessened.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let myself visually seeing a pipe in my desk to trigger the thought "If I smoke resin then I am not smoking weed, so it should be ok" instead of realizing that smoking resin gets you high just like weed but in a different way.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I think of smoking the resin that is in this pipe when I feel like not facing this reality and want to escape by getting high. I realize and accept that thoughts of want/desire of wanting to get high aren't going to disappear magically. I realize that I have to walk through the wants/desires of getting high in space and time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to leave this pipe in an area where I see it everyday not realizing that visually seeing this pipe everyday triggers thoughts of want/desire to get high.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that if I remove this pipe and place it in an area that I cannot see it that I will still have thoughts of want/desire to get high but they won't be stimulated visually, therefore stopping one small area that leads to thoughts of want/desire to get high.

I commit myself to stop thoughts of want/desire towards getting high through breathing here in the physical.

I commit myself to realize that smoking resin and weed are different forms of the same substance and that doing one or the other is still using the same substance.

I commit myself to remove these pipes from my desk so that I cannot visually see them and I commit myself to not take these pipes with me when I go back to school tomorrow therefore not allowing myself to have access to a pipe of my own.

I commit myself to investigate when I see something visually that reminds me of weed or causes thoughts of wants/desires of getting high.

I commit myself to walk through the desire/want of getting high when and as I feel the need to escape from my own reality.

2 comments: