Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Day 32: Dr. Professor Told On Me

Some crazy shit has happened recently. I did a vlog called "Dr. Professor Telling On Me" yesterday. I e-mailed this teacher who flipped out on me.

"Hello X,

     Just wanted to say Hey and that you won't see me smoking on
campus anymore. You have stated your authority in a very clear manner.
I want to remind you that you are not special or better than others
just because you are a teacher (that is common sense). The so called
"Dr." behind your name doesn't mean your special (although you think
your special) and should be allowed to abuse others with your
so-called authority. It is interesting to learn about how some people
think they are more special than others. We as humans are equal but
you don't see that. You acted just like a child today by "telling on
me" to your mommy and daddy (security and Mr. X) HAHA! Go ahead and
tell on me again!

Remember, You and your Ego are not Special.

Johnathan Motz

She took my advice and told on me again by sending this e-mail to the higher-ups in the music department.

"I received this email just now, Just wanted to let you know. I am not impressed with this student's behavior on the stairwell or in writing. All I did was to ask him to please not smoke in the stairwell. We have had conversations today and last year on several occasions (Total Lie). I will say it makes me a little nervous to think about how he is reacting, as he knows where my studio is and will likely know where my car is. It makes me feel a bit unsafe (WTF is that shit, lol). I just thought I should let you guys know that I received this type of email from this student"



LOL! You can see the total separation. She told me and 4 others once that we were not supposed to smoke there last year when I was smoking with 4 other people, not on several occasions, lol. Today I had to have a meeting with the dean of students, my private instructor and two other people. The dean of students reacted as soon as I said "why isn't Professor X here? It takes 2 to tango" I remember answers some of their questions, " the way she reacted to me was inappropriate and very emotional and angry because she flipped out, She did not talk to me like a human but as an emotional person who was flaunting her authority over me because she was angry. You do not treat another human being like that" The dean of students responded with some bullshit about "respect" and he went on and on and I started laughing. And then things went into military style. He said, "You don't laugh at us or anyone in this room" "You respect us, you understand?" I said "Yes sir". He said "I can kick you out of school". He was talking to me like I was in the army. He went on and on about "respect" Because I laughed at him when talking about respecting the faculty. He is making me meet with him sometime in the next week or so about my "conduct" and lack of respect.

I realize that you can't go to school and get an education in this world and expect that the people that are involved in this education system will treat you equally. You as a student can't approach teachers as an equal. You have to bow down and take it all in.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place myself in a situation where I knew conflict could arise but instead ignored this thought and went to smoke in the stairwell because I felt like it, not realizing that my self-interest was the starting point of this whole blown up situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get angry when I saw  teacher X angrily asking me questions in a threatening manner instead of realizing that I should've expected this to happen. I realize that this teacher's anger triggered me into questioning her authority because it made me angry.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that when I talked to my private teacher and he told me that X told him about the situation I had with her that this was the trigger point that caused me to get even more angry after the confrontation I had with her which lead to me sending her an email about how I thought about her which caused even more problems to happen. I realize that it is not worth challenging someones authority while at the University as it will only cause more problems and conflict.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my anger towards a teacher to lead me into believing that telling her about my opinion of her is justified instead of realizing that I told her my opinion of her because of my anger and that doing this only caused more problems. I realize that I accepted and allowed my anger to possess me into causing conflict with a teacher which led to even more conflict.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize, see and understand that by going to college that I am participating in part of a system called education and that I have to follow the rules in order to get out and that by questioning this system will only cause problems for me. I realize and accept the rules of the education system and realize that it is not worth challenging or questioning this system while I am still in it and almost out of it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to challenge a teacher's authority not realizing that in this education system I have to follow all of the rules which means I can't challenge a teacher's actions without having consequences.

I commit myself to notice when and as I accept and allow self-interest to direct when I do things and what things I do.

I commit myself to follow the rules of the education system and to not challenge any of my teachers actions as I realize this will only cause trouble for myself.

I commit myself to notice when I react with anger towards a teacher and I commit myself to notice what the teacher did to trigger this anger inside of me. 


  1. Johnathon - I would consider the reactions you are participating in blaming another for 'their separation' and "their specialness". It's not about these people in this situation - it is about you and not considering your responsibility or accountability for the act that you did participate within.

  2. Cool self forgiveness - wrote my last comment before I finished reading