Thursday, September 20, 2012

Day 51: Cleaning for others continued

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that when I was younger I was only partly responsible for cleaning my room because during random times my mom would clean my room therefore I realize that I did not have to take full responsibility for cleaning my room when I was younger and that this is still with me today. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the memory of me doing my weekly chores in order to get an allowance, using cleaning as a way to get money in order to buy material things. I realize that I was taught to take responsibility in order to receive money so I could buy material objects.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize the memories of my family, my friends families, roommates, and friends cleaning up the place in which they live before someone comes and visits.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe it is normal and everyone cleans before having a guest over to visit.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let my apartment get so dirty to the point where I have thoughts of wishing my apartment to become clean - kind of like wishing some cleaning fairy come and take care of it for me.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am not living in a way that is best for all life if I don't even care about myself and living in an clean environment for myself so therefore I realize that I must care for myself and love myself in order for me to live in a way that is best for all life.

I commit myself to take responsibility for keeping a clean area to live for myself and only myself.

I commit myself to clean my apartment once a week in order to not let filth and dishes build up to where it seems as there is too much to clean.

I commit myself to live me as me and stopping all thoughts that turn into actions of trying to present myself as a better person that I live and exist as.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when and as someone comes over and I feel the need to clean even if things aren't as clean as I would like, not accepting and allowing myself to go into an energetic rushing state of being trying to clean things before a person or group of people come over to visit and within stopping this I realize that I am living me as me, not painting a prettier picture of myself for others.

I commit myself to notice when and as my apartment is getting messy and to take responsibility in that moment which is simple as picking up music and clothes or washing the dishes which doesn't take long.

I commit myself to clean for myself as I realize that if I don't care for myself then I surely don't care for others.




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