Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Day 71: Desire for relationship

I recently went through an experience with a female and wanted to go into a relationship. I haven’t met someone whom I could talk with for hours in years. We fooled around, got all cuddly, held hands, etc…. All this time she had a boyfriend that lives out of town and I thought “What the fuck am I doing here?” “Why am I doing this when she has a boyfriend?” and later I said I can’t do this anymore because it is not right or honest at all (even though I still wanted to). So I desire/want to be with someone.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from X through accepting and allowing myself to define my happiness within being in a relationship with X outside and separate from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from X through accepting and allowing myself to define my support with being in a relationship with X, outside and separate from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to be in a relationship with another person in order to be happy and fulfilled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for a relationship outside of myself, therefore separating myself from myself by searching for something outside of myself in order to think I will be more happy than I am now by being in a relationship.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy another person’s love that they have for me instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that this ‘love’ is not real but a made up idea created in the mind and not realizing that the only ‘love’ that can be ‘love’ is self love.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search/seek out a relationship with another which shows me that I am actually asking myself for a relationship with me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be intimate with me which has caused me to search for a relationship outside of myself so that I can experience intimacy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for a relationship outside of myself in order to not feel lonely and believing that if I was in a relationship that I won’t be lonely anymore not realizing that if I go into an agreement/relationship with this mindset that I will still feel lonely as I do now after some time goes by in the relationship/agreement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to be in a relationship so I can have sex on a regular basis in order for me to feel complete and happy with myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I am following the sexual energy that exists within and as me by the very desire/want to be in a relationship with X and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my eyes deceive me by seeing an attractive girl and if she is “cool” according to me I will automatically try to go into a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the idea of having sex with another control me into wanting to go into a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the memories of me and X fooling around, cuddling, and waking up next to each other in the morning and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect these memories to a feeling of being satisfied and fulfilled.




When and as I notice myself wanting/desiring to go into a relationship with another person - I stop and I breathe.

I realize, see, and understand that if I was intimate with and as myself I would not be seeking/searching out a relationship with an attractive and 'cool' girl and I realize that I automatically want/desire to go into a relationship/agreement with a girl that I can get along with like a guy friend and who is attractive.

I commit myself to stop all thoughts/wants/desires/feelings of wanting to go into a relationship/agreement by establishing a relationship with myself.

I commit myself to notice when and as I desire/want to go into a relationship/agreement with another.

I commit myself to investigate myself and to establish a relationship with myself as I realize that this is the only way to stop my wants/desires of wanting to go into a relationship with a girl who I get along with like a close guy friend and who is physically attractive.

I commit myself to notice when and as my sexual energy causes thoughts that lead to me wanting/desiring to go into a relationship/agreement. 

I commit myself to bring myself back here in the physical when and as I notice thoughts/feelings/wants/desires of being in an relationship/agreement with another person by noticing/seeing what is physically around me at the time these thoughts come up within/as me.













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