Thursday, October 25, 2012

Day 72: Age

Age - I am at college. I went to college right after high school for two years and then quit. I then just worked for a few years and took a gen ed here or there and here I am to be done after the next semester. So everyone I meet is a few years younger than me. I do have friends my age but very few. One of the teachers I take lessons from used to always say, "You should be done by now" and I have created this emotional bullshit in my mind where if someone asks me how old I am I don't really want to tell them. I am 26, lol. When I say that I am 26 I have this feeling that they will think I am to old to be in school, ya know stupid bullshit like that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my age.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the numbers that are placed on our lives as the years go by is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when someone asks me "How old are you?" to go into a state of fear of telling them my current age.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed of my age when and as I am around those at the university. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that if I am around different people not in the university environment that I don't fear saying how old I am - only when I meet those whom I meet at the university.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others based on their age not realizing, seeing, and understanding that how old a person is something we have made up in the mind and is not real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think it is a waste of time to get to know someone who is much younger than me at the university not realizing that I am judging them based on an imaginary number that is supposed to determine how mature they are as a person.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I am judging others based of their age just as I fear being judged by my age by others at the university.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the memory of my teacher telling me "You should be done by now" and after this was told to me going into a defensive state of mind.

 


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