Sunday, October 28, 2012

Day 74: I am not good at Reading and Hate School

I saw a vlog by Matti Freeman called "Hate school? How to Enjoy Studying and Reading" that was very cool and I could relate with his experience with reading and/or studying. Within watching this vlog I realize that I have placed labels/definitions on myself that don't allow me to read effectively. The definitions that I have created about myself are holding me back before I even start to read something for a class. So within this blog I am going to forgive myself for the things that make reading difficult for me, the labels/definitions that I beLIEve I am to be that have an effect on reading, and some other things. So here I go.


Link to Matti's vlog: 2011 Hate school? How to Enjoy Studying and Reading

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to while reading ignore the words that I don't know the definition of and to skip over them and keep reading therefore not understanding what I am reading.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I can look up the definitions of a word that I don't know when and as I am reading.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that looking up a word whose meaning I don't know while reading will be met with resistance.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the words/vocabulary are the basic building blocks of reading and that if I don't understand certain words then I won't understand what is being read.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a 'creative musician' who doesn't need to read the things that I don't want to read because I am supposedly a 'creative musician'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'creative musicians' don't need to read the things that "academic" people read and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define those who aren't in some form of the arts as "academic" people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as someone who is not "academic" and not good at the subjects we learn in school.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at the current education system not realizing that I use this anger as an excuse/justification of why I am not good at reading and thinking that reading things we have to read in school is a waste of time.

I realize that not knowing the definitions of certain words while reading will make reading seem like a hassle because I am not understanding what it is that I am actually reading.

I realize, see, and understand that labeling/defining myself as "creative" and others as "academic" stops me from being able to just be here and read and that these definitions I have placed on myself and others are connected to emotions which further stops me from being able to be here and simply just read. 

I commit myself to stop and look up the definitions of those words that I don't know the meaning of when and as I am reading.

I commit myself to know the meanings/definitions of the words of a book that I am reading therefore making reading more enjoyable as I will be able to understand exactly what is being said in the book that I am reading. 

I commit myself to stop all anger that I have towards the education system that exists today through breathing when and as this emotional experience comes up within/as me. 

I commit myself to stop reading page after page of whatever it is that I read, skipping the point that I don't know the definition/meaning of certain words, thinking that by just reading page after page I will understand the material that was just read.

I commit myself to notice when and as I have emotions/thoughts of defining myself as "creative" and others as "academic" that I place on myself and others. 

More to come

 











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