This is a continuation : Day 76: Early experiences of 'Love'
Day 77: Early experiences of 'Love' [Part Two]
When and as I notice myself thinking of my first girlfriend and the relationship we were in - I stop and I breathe. I realize, see, and understand that the memories of being with my first girlfriend come up because I felt a sense of comfort while in the relationship and that I don't have this same sense of comfort today and I realize that these memories come up within/as me because I desire/want this feeling of comfort that I feel while being in a relationship. I commit myself to stop all memories of the first relationship that I was in by physically saying Stop or stomping my foot on the ground if I am in a situation where I can't say Stop out loud.
When and as I notice myself thinking of the memories of playing music with my first girlfriend's brothers and having a feeling of enjoyment and freedom - I stop and I breathe. I realize, see, and understand that this memory keeps coming up because I don't feel the freedom and enjoyment of playing music with other people today like I did back then. I commit myself to play music in the physical with whomever it may be and to stop all feelings and emotions when and as they come up through breathing in and out.
When and as I notice myself going into a state of anger or judgment while seeing a woman wearing a long skirt and that has long hair - I stop and I breathe. I realize, see, and understand that I go into a state of anger and/or judgment because of the memory of my first girlfriend turning Apostolic after we broke up and I realize that my reaction towards seeing a woman wearing a long dress and who has long hair has nothing to do with them but me. I commit myself to notice when and as I react to seeing a woman who has long hair and wearing a long dress through noticing the reaction and after breathing I commit myself to notice where I am by observing what is around me.