Friday, November 9, 2012

Day 79: Early experiences of 'Love' [Part 4]

Another experience with love happened during my senior year in high school. I saw this girl who I thought was cute and I knew nothing about her, just that I thought she was cute. One of my friends told one of her friends that I liked her and she was told about it, LOL. Anyway we ended up hanging out and later were “boyfriend and girlfriend”. We were together around a year and a half. It started off as an infatuation. We would smoke weed, drink with friends. I then went to college and saw her maybe once a month and in the second semester we broke up. We both ended up cheating on each other. Later she ended up dating one of my friends and I felt totally pissed when I found this out.

The next year in school I broke my ankle while skateboarding and had a nervous breakdown a few weeks later. I then ended up going back home to live with my parents. I ended up with another experience of Love that I will go into after I am done writing about this experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the memory of me asking one of my friends to find out if this girl was interested in me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pursue going into an relationship based on infatuation.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize, see, and understand that I went into a relationship with this girl based on infatuation and I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that going into a relationship based on infatuation is something that is self-created in the mind and that I created this feeling of infatuation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the memories of going to my ex-girlfriend's house after school and having sex quickly before her mom came home.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the memory of when my ex-girlfriend first came over and making out with her on the couch in my parents house.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the memories of hanging out with my ex-girlfriend and her little brother while at her house.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the memory of me rolling a joint in my car and smoking with my ex-girlfriend in the high school parking lot.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the memory of me going back to my ex-girlfriend's house on the weekends and playing the routine in her room.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the memory of dropping my ex-girlfriend off at her house after playing in the battle of the bands at high school and thinking that I was cool and that she was impressed because I played in a punk rock band at the battle of the bands at high school.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger when I found out that my ex-girlfriend was dating one of my friends - feeling as if they both have betrayed me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger in my mind when my friend came over to go skating at the skate park showing up with my ex-girlfriend unexpectedly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the memory of skating at the skate park and seeing that my ex-girlfriend was watching me and my friend that she was with, skating and thinking that I was a lot better at skating than him.















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