Saturday, November 10, 2012
Day 80: Early experiences of 'Love' [Part 5]
When and as I notice memories coming up about me being with my ex-girlfriend, the times we partied with friends, hanging out with her family, having sex - I stop and I breathe.
I realize, see, and understand that I am the one who creates these feelings/thoughts of infatuation that I have about another girl and I still do this today and I realize that this infatuation is always based on how they look physically and then the personality they have and within this I realize that if they don't have a personality that I like I automatically dismiss myself from getting to know them.
I realize, see, and understand that these memories won't go away automatically but I have the opportunity to stop the flow of these memories through the breath and to bring myself back here into the physical.
I commit myself to notice when and as I go into a state of being "infatuated" by another female and I commit myself to stop all the feelings/emotions/thoughts that may come up within me while seeing a female I am attracted to or infatuated with through breathing in and then breathing out.
I commit myself to stop the memories of me and my ex-girlfriend having sex in a quick manner with the fear of her mom coming home early.
I commit myself to stop the memories of the nice lovey-dovey feelings I felt when I first got together with my ex-girlfriend.
I commit myself to stop the memories of being with my ex-girlfriend and her family and the fun times we had together.
I commit myself to stop holding onto the memories of getting high and drunk with my ex-girlfriend and our friends while at her house and two of her neighbors whom I was good friends with, walking back and forth between her house and my friends house.
I commit myself to notice when and as I think in my mind that I am a musician and that this is how I want others to see me and within this I commit myself to stop all self-created ideas of how I want/desire others to see me through noticing that I left the physical and went into the mind.