Thursday, November 15, 2012

Day 83: Early experiences of 'Love' [Part 8]

This is a continuation:

Day 81: Early experiences of 'Love' [Part 6]
Day 82: Early experiences of 'Love' [Part 7]

Read Day's 76-80 for further context

When and as I notice memories of hanging out with the group I associated myself with in high school and going off with my ex-girlfriend and fooling around as "friends with benefits" before we went into a relationship - I stop and I breathe. I realize, see, and understand that I am holding onto these memories because I want/desire to experience the feeling of freedom and excitement I felt during that time. I commit myself to stop all these memories when and as they come up by noticing that I went into the mind and thought about the past.

When and as I notice there is tension or a conflict between me and another person - I stop and I breathe. I now realize, see, and understand that I was acting passively and hiding my emotions of how I felt about my roommate and friend through noticing the backchat I had about him. I commit myself to check myself to see if I am part of the conflict I may have with another person and I commit myself to confront the person with whom I may have conflict with instead of accepting and allowing backchat to continue manifesting within me.

When and as I desire/want to go into a relationship with a girl whom I am attracted to or infatuated with - I stop and I breathe. I realize, see, and understand that I am living in a state of infatuation and that I have done this in the past and that going into a relationship based on physical looks and infatuation is going into a relationship/agreement with the starting point of self-dishonesty and energy which will end up running out sooner or later. I commit myself to when the chance comes up again to have a partner to go into an agreement instead of a relationship and to set out clear definitions of what and how the agreement will be walked. 

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