Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Day 86: Early experiences of 'Love' [Part 11]




This is a continuation: Day 84: Early experiences of 'Love' [Part 9]

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become infatuated by how my ex partner looked on the outside and then pursue a relationship based on this infatuation not seeing/realizing/understanding that the whole starting point of going into this relationship was based on infatuation and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that infatuation is actually something that distracts me from my own self-dishonesty. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to get to know a person before becoming partners and just jumping right into a relationship. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not face the issues with my past partner when and as they came up and instead put them off because I didn't feel like facing my partner and myself at the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become emotionally attached to my past partners.  


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an emotional state of sadness when I realized my plans of having my ex partner come live with me failed. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an emotional state of sadness when my ex partner broke up with me and accepting and allowing this sadness to turn into anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my past partner was in 'Love' with me and that we would always be together and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was in 'Love' with my past partner instead of realizing that this 'Love' was actually a fear of being alone and living without her. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the sadness inside me when my ex partner broke up with me to turn into anger and then turning this anger into justifications of as why she wanted to break up with me and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this anger turn into thoughts of blaming my past partner for breaking up with me because her mother had a divorce and in turn blaming my past partner's mother for the reason of her breaking up with me. 

I commit myself to notice when and as I become infatuated and have feelings of infatuation towards another female and I commit myself to stop all of these thoughts and feelings of infatuation when and as they come up within me by noticing that I have went into a state of being infatuated.

I commit myself to not accept or allow my emotions/feelings lead me into becoming attached to another person. 

I commit myself to before going into an agreement with another person to get to know them and not jump right into a relationship based on infatuation and feelings. 

I commit myself to notice when and as memories of past partners come up within me and I commit myself to stop these memories when and as they come up through breathing. 

I commit myself to walk alone with myself and to establish a relationship with myself instead of seeking out a relationship with another. 

I commit myself to notice when and as I am blaming someone else for my own emotions and making up reasons in my mind as to why my emotions are justified and within this I commit myself to take responsibility for my own emotions as I see/realize/understand that I am responsible for how I react to the emotions that exist within/as me. 



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