Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Day 88: Infatuation

I stayed with my parents for the thanksgiving holiday. We went to a Chinese restaurant and I noticed myself looking at this girl many tables away from where we were sitting. I kept looking at her and was very attracted to her and started to think about infatuation. Was this infatuation or simply that I thought a girl was attractive? I realize that I was infatuated with her because if I see a girl whom is attractive I simply notice it and that is it, but I kept looking at the girl. It was as if I wanted to get to know her just by how she looked on the outside. I have been writing about infatuation and how I have been infatuated by other females and then went into a relationship based on the infatuation but I now see and realize how this comes about because I just experienced it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think "She looks very interesting and cute".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed how a girl looks on the outside and how attractive I think she is to exist as a trigger point, which triggers the thought, "She looks very interesting and cute" not realizing that it was how she looked on the outside and how attractive I thought she was that made me think she "looks interesting".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to want to get to know a girl just because she looks cute.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize when and as I go into a state of infatuation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become infatuated by another girl just by how she looks on the outside.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the thought "She looks very interesting and cute" to a feeling of infatuation.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand the difference between seeing a girl whom I am attracted too or think is cute and being infatuated by a girl whom I think is cute and attractive.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when I see an attractive/cute girl I see her and that is it, it is done and if I am infatuated I will keep looking at the girl or the girl will be on my mind after physically seeing her.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that another person cannot ever cause me to be infatuated but that I am the one who creates the infatuation.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to investigate why I go into a state of infatuation when seeing a girl that I think is cute.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that going into states of being infatuated is only a distraction from what I accept and allow myself to exist as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become infatuated by another instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that being infatuated by another only exists because I fear facing my own self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing my self-dishonesty and use things like infatuation in order to hide my own self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become infatuated by another in order to blind myself from my own self-dishonesty.

I realize, see, and understand that another person cannot cause me to be infatuated and that I am the one who creates the infatuation that I feel towards another person.

I commit myself to notice when and as I become infatuated by a girl whom I think is attractive and cute.

I commit myself to notice the difference between when and as I see an attractive/cute female and being infatuated when seeing an attractive/cute girl.

I commit myself to stop myself when and as I notice myself in a state of infatuation by the sight of seeing an attractive/cute female.

I commit myself to investigate why I go into states of being infatuated by another female and I commit myself to investigate all things that distract me from my own self-dishonesty.

 






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