Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Day 116: Procrastination and emails continued


For context check out days 111-113 and 115.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to write about procrastination in the overall sense of how I live the word instead of taking on one point of how I live procrastination and I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that I can only take on one point at a time and if I take on more than one point at a time within my daily living a feeling of overwhelmingness will manifest where I end up becoming stuck and unclear on what point I am working on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate in doing my projects for arranging even though I knew there would be consequences of putting off the projects that we were required to do and instead of taking responsibility I went into a state of hoping I would do the work and that this half assed work would be accepted because I have gotten away with doing half assed work in this teacher’s class in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say to myself “I will work on arranging later” not realizing that when this later time comes I again say to myself “I will work on arranging later.” thus creating a pattern of procrastination.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that putting off doing my homework for arranging led to me not moving at all and into a state of being stuck with where what and how I should approach the projects.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore going to class because I didn’t know where the class was and to not find out where the class was so I could actually go to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to skip checking my school email as I realize that information about classes are not always sent to my preferred email and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for checking my school email as I now realize that important information my be sent to this email address.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that because I got off to a late start in my arranging class I ended up half assing my way through the rest of the class because I didn’t know exactly what was going on or what was expected of us and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up just because I did not get off to a good start in a class.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I am to pass arranging I need to spend time in the computer lab working with Finale and I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that I didn’t spend anytime in the computer lab working with Finale in arranging 1 which caused me to feel overwhelmed by the time I knew I needed to catch up with the project I had been putting off which resulted in me failing the class.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only do schoolwork in areas where I feel comfortable not seeing and realizing that I shut myself off and go into isolation in order to feel comfortable thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create environments where I will be comfortable and other environments where I won't be comfortable not realizing the if I create an environment where I feel comfortable then I create the opposite polarity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot be myself around others and that if I am myself others will judge me as a weird person.

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