Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Day 119: Eating the brownies that get you high continued



Continued from day 118

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cook weed brownies for females just because they are attractive females.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in an emotional feeling of excitedness when hanging around females and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this excitedness to direct me instead of me directing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make weed brownies because the girls who asked for them to be made were attractive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse/justification of eating a weed brownie because I usually smoke weed instead of eating it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed being around attractive girls to influence me into making excuses of it being ok to eating weed.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have said no to being offered weed from these people and just because of the idea of the cooking weed sounded fun I accepted and allowed myself to participate in eating a brownie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse "I never smoke with X so I might as well" not realizing that I am accepting and allowing other people in my immediate environment to control my actions instead of me directing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think "it has been so long and I wanna know what it is like to get high" when and as I am around those who are smoking weed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think "shit, that smells good" which triggers a desire/want to smoke weed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think "I don't even remember what it is like to be high" not realizing that this was an excuse for me to justify my desire/want of getting high.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that I don't need to get high in order to hang out with friends.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the environment I am around to influence me into making decisions instead of realizing that if I accept and allow my environment to control me then I am not being self-directive.

I commit myself to stop justifying doing actions for another female just because they are an attractive female and accepting and allowing the reason because they are a female to influence me into making up justifications/excuses for my actions.

I commit myself to stop using justifications of why I should smoke weed with other people just because I haven't hung around them in a while and because it was something we did together in the past.

I commit myself to direct myself when and as I am around those who are smoking weed - not accepting or allowing my environment to influence me into making decisions I wouldn't normally make as I realize that I am the one who directs my life and what I accept and allow.

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