Saturday, February 2, 2013

Day 122: You don't know what jazz is continued

This is continued from Day 121: You don't know what jazz is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to label the person playing the jazz tune during student recital as a classical musician and to label myself as a jazz musician not realizing that this is separation and that I am separating myself from others and myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think "this is not jazz. He is good at reading notes but can't improvise at all." not realizing that I thought this because the image of what I wanted to see being played didn't match up with what was actually being played and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my idea of what I think jazz is to influence me into making judgments towards others. 

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that these judgments didn't allow me to just simply sit and listen to another person play music. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think everyone should automatically know what jazz is and if they don't I judge them as stupid not realizing that this is just my ego wanting attention and justification and I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize when my ego becomes activated and when it does it wants to be justified. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care if people know what improvisation is or not, not realizing that it is my ego. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that not clapping when he was done playing was something I could do to show others that I didn't approve of what he played not realizing that this is me showing my arrogance to other people. 

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I think "people don't know what jazz is" then I must know what jazz is and that this is ego.

I commit myself to notice when I am labeling myself and others as "classical" or "jazz" musicians and to stop all labels I place on myself and others. 

I commit myself to notice when i am making up images/ideas in my mind of what I expect something to be like and to stop these made up images/ideas through the breath. 

I commit myself to stop all judgments towards an individual or group of people playing music as I realize that these judgments make it difficult to simply listen to another person or group of people play music. 

I commit myself to realize and accept that not everyone may have been educated and listened to jazz as much as I have, especially those who are not majoring in it and that just because they haven't doesn't mean they are stupid but that I have spent some time learning a different language and I commit myself to notice when I have thoughts of judging others as stupid as I realize this is only arrogance. 

I commit myself to stop all actions that I want to carry out based on my backchat. 

I commit myself to investigate myself when and as I notice my ego coming out when it has to do with music. 

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