Sunday, February 3, 2013

Day 123: Getting the oil changed

Today I planned to get my oil changed in my car because it is 2000 over when it was supposed to be changed last. I woke up and felt like shit again. This flu shit is going to stay for a while I guess. The bank closed at 3 and I kept hitting the snooze over and over again. Although I knew it wouldn't be fun, I knew I could get up and do it. It wasn't going to kill me to go to the bank and then go to the autoshop. It felt so good laying in bed and after hitting the snooze to lay right back down. Getting the oil changed in my car is something that has to be done or I will ruin my car. It is in bad enough shape anyway. I accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that I am sick so I didn't have to take responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I went to class last week when I woke up and felt like shit and if I did that then I am able to go to the bank and go to the quicky oiler place.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that I used the excuse of feeling like shit in order to not take responsibility for getting the oil changed in my car today even though I knew it would not be an enjoyable experience but was possible for me to do.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that this car I am driving is at the last of its life and not changing the oil will result in the car dying earlier than it could because of the fact that I didn't take responsibility for getting the oil changed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in an emotional feeling of regret because I didn't do what I planned on doing today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep hitting the snooze thinking that I will eventually wake up at the last minute and go to the bank and then get my oil changed instead of realizing I kept hitting the snooze because I didn't want to take the time and effort to do this and that hitting the snooze and falling back asleep felt comfortable and not realizing that I was physically able to do it although it wouldn't be a fun time because of how I feel.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am over the worst part of this sickness and that using the excuse of still being sick is just what it is, an excuse, to not take responsibility for the things that I need to do.

I commit myself to take on my responsibilities other than those that have to do with school while going through this feeling of being sick.

I commit myself to stop using the excuse that I don't feel good and am sick to not take responsibility for those things that I don't think are as important as school.

I commit myself to take care of the car that I am driving and to make it last as long as I can.

I commit myself to stop creating feelings of regret by physically doing the things that need to be done when they need to be done as I realize this is the only way I can stop these emotional feelings of regret within me.

I commit myself to stop putting things off until the last minute as I realize when I do this I usually don't follow through with what it is that needs to be done.

I commit myself to go about my day as I normally would and to walk through this feeling of being sick as I realize the worst part is over.


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