Saturday, February 9, 2013

Day 126: I will do it later because of this one last time

I always tend to say "just this last time" and when this last time comes I don't follow through but keep saying again "just this last time." - with multiple things and how I live. Another putting things off so I don't have to face myself and who I am. I keep doing it over and over and over and over again thinking that by saying "Just this last time" I will actually change my ways.

This is with all of the small stuff. For example, I will be on the computer reading or listening to something and I think, "just this last time will I listen to something and go about my daily tasks." When I am done reading or listening to whatever it is that I am doing I want/desire to keep reading and listening to more of the same things. So I keep repeating over and over again what it is that I am doing.




I realize through this process that whenever I say to myself "I will do it later" or "just this last time" that I am lying to myself and will keep accepting and allowing myself to continue when I keep saying "I will do it later" or "just this last time and then I will move on". I also realize that I say "I will do it later" and "just this last time" because I fear facing myself and taking responsibility for what I accept and allow. It is much easier to say "I will do it later" or "just this last time" than to stand up and actually follow through.


I have noticed that when I say "just this last time" or "I will do it later" means I will keep doing whatever it is that I am doing at that moment. Being in a type of zombie like state. So saying to myself "just this last time" and "I will do it later" is a red flag for me to STOP and fucking move otherwise I will continue accepting and allowing myself to continue with the same bullshit.

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