Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Day 139: We have never smoked together part 2

 Continued from Day 138: We have never smoked together



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire/want to smoke weed when and as I see others around me smoking weed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel as if I am missing out on the 'fun' if I don't smoke weed while others are smoking around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that the only way I can have fun while hanging out with others is if I smoke weed and drink with them and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if I hang out with others while sober then I won't have a good time while hanging with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define having a good time as smoking weed or drinking alcohol when and as I am hanging out with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that others will think I am boring if I don't smoke weed with them. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse "We have never smoked and I used to all the time so I will smoke with you." to justify my want/desire to smoke weed.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that using the excuse "We have never smoked and I used to all the time so I will smoke with you." is allowing another person to influence my actions instead of me directing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to smoke weed with my friend thinking that I could connect with him more because of being high together instead of realizing that smoking weed is not necessary in order to hang out with a friend

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uncomfortable around those who are smoking weed thinking that I should smoke with them in order to fit in with them. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that stopping smoking weed showed me the suppression it causes in my emotions and how it dampens/numbs the way I really am.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that stopping smoking weed made the emotions that existed in me come to the surface which allowed me to see my emotions in a clear manner because I wasn't suppressing myself through the act of smoking on a daily basis. 

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that after stopping smoking weed for so long and then smoking again that it isn't the same as it used to be because of changing the habit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect smoking weed to having a spiritual experience and have placed importance on having this experience instead of realizing that smoking weed is not a spiritual experience but it is simply a leaving of this reality for a little bit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire/want to have a "spiritual" experience through smoking weed by myself and with others and I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that spiritual experiences whether it be praying, meditating, chanting, getting high, etc... is based on leaving this reality in order to make oneself feel better for a moment and then come back to this reality which is the one we are in all the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the world would be a better place if everyone got high at least once not realizing how irrational this belief is because it is thinking the world would be a better place if everyone would use a drug and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that we as human beings do not require the use of a drug like weed in order to live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that smoking weed is based on getting a high and that what goes up must come down. 






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