Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Day 142: Rats and the Police Part 2
continued from: Day 141: Rats and the Police
I realize that the past memories of the negatively charged experiences I have had with the police is still influencing my perception of how I think all police are and accepting and allowing these memories to influence me means I am a slave to my own past experiences.
I realize that imagining/creating ideas up of how to bitch out the RA who ratted on other people does nothing but create energy in my body that in turn creates my emotions to be in charge of myself and I realize that accepting and allowing my emotions to control myself when I have a conversation with another person is nothing but verbal diarrhea.
I realize that the RA who ratted others out was just doing her job according to the rules that she was told to follow and that having a conversation with her about it in an emotional way where I bitch her out would do nothing but cause conflict.
I commit myself to notice when and as an energetic feeling of defensiveness comes up within me when and as I see a cop or a cop car and I commit myself to not accept or allow this feeling of energy to influence myself in how I act or what I say and simply let the energy pass through me.
I commit myself to notice when and as while seeing a cop or cop car triggers thoughts of thinking I am going to be attacked and others are going to be attacked and when this happens to realize that I think cops are going to attack me and others because of my past memories of the interactions I have had with the police and I commit myself to stop myself through the breath when and as the negatively charged memories I have experienced come up within me.
I commit myself to stop all imagined ideas of me telling the RA off who ratted out other people and if I end up having a conversation with her about why she rats other people out to not accept or allow the energy that may come up within me to influence me into speaking in an emotional way or speaking verbal diarrhea and I commit myself to stop the conversation if I am speaking based on my emotions or speaking verbal diarrhea.