Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Day 150: Everyone Smokes Weed

Over spring break I hung out with a friend. We were discussing music and figuring out the chords to a few tunes she wrote. Her girlfriend came in and they started to smoke weed. When this happened I really wanted to take a hit. She asked "do you smoke?" and I said I quit. I thought in my mind "I have only smoked with her once years ago". I remember writing about this before and using that same excuse but the self corrective statements led into application at this point. I remembered my commitment. I remembered the last excuse I used in order to get high was "I have never smoked with him so I might as well." and this same thought came up within me. So if it wasn't for writing this shit out and writing self forgiveness and self corrective statements I most definitely would have smoked. So writing myself out, writing self forgiveness and self corrective statements works.

There is nothing wrong with smoking weed but I have made this a decision for myself. I have committed myself to not smoke weed because there is nothing that happens but delusion when smoking weed/being high.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire/want to smoke weed when others around me are smoking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think "I have only smoked with her once" not realizing that this thought is an excuse/justification for my want/desire to smoke weed.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have used the excuse/justification of having not smoked with someone before and that this excuse/justification will most likely keep coming up within me when and as I am around those who are smoking weed.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to remember my self corrective statements when and as I am facing a point that I want to change about myself in a way that is best for myself and best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that since I have wrote myself out, wrote self forgiveness, and wrote self corrective and self commitment statements that I have changed myself not realizing that it is the application that happens in space and time not just the writing as I realize the writing is useless if it is not applied in the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can take on everything that I want to change about myself at once not realizing that this is what causes me to feel overwhelmed, stuck, and static.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that I can't take on every single point that is going on within me all at once and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump from point to point, back and forth instead of working with one point at a time not realizing that working with one point at a time is the only way that I can change myself that is best for me and best for everyone else.











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