Friday, March 29, 2013

Day 153: My Mom was my English Teacher in Middle School Part 2

Continued from Day 152: My Mom was my English Teacher in Middle School





I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the memory of doing bad on these reading assignments in the 4th grade. 

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that when I started not doing well on these reading assignments in the fourth grade my mom became concerned and I ended up blaming the teacher for my mom's reaction and within this I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that this is when I started having conflict with teachers. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the memory of being in the fifth grade and accidentally farting in class and my classmates and I started laughing and the teacher saying "It's not funny" and everyone became quiet and I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that I reacted in anger when this teacher said "It's not funny" and reacted with a feeling of self-consciousness. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be self conscious while walking in the hallways between classes in middle school fearing that an older student would say something hateful or mean to me about myself or my mom. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the memories and the feeling of being in middle school and not liking or wanting to go to school because my mom was my teacher.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that while I was in my mom's class I felt as if I could act anyway I wanted to and felt safe while in the classroom and as soon as the class was over and went into the hallway's this feeling disappeared because I feared people saying shit to me or making fun of me because my mom was a teacher. 

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that I felt comfortable and safe in my mom's class because my mom was the teacher. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I was secretly angry at those who I heard talk shit about my mom and who would talk shit to me about my mom. 

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that just like I didn't like most of the teachers I had in middle school others would most likely have teachers that they didn't like. Since my mom was a teacher it makes sense that others might not like her as a teacher. 















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