Monday, April 22, 2013

Day 163: OCD and Losing Keys Part Two

This is continued from  Day 162: OCD and Losing Keys



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to check multiple times to see if I have my keys before I leave the apartment even though I know that they are in my bag. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the memory of my parents coming to the bookstore where I locked my keys in my car with my friend in high school. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to obsessively check to make sure that I have my keys on me throughout the day. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a ritual where I make sure my keys are in my hands before I leave the apartment even though I know they are in my bag and I forgive myself that I have allowed this ritual to create a feeling of comfort within me when I leave the apartment. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear locking my keys in my apartment. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to call the landlord if I would lock my keys in my apartment and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to deal with my landlord in person. 

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that I fear not being able to go to my apartment if I lock my keys in my apartment because it is my "comfort" zone. 

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have defined my apartment as a comfortable place where I am comfortable and not realizing that labeling/defining my apartment as a comfortable place means that when I step out of my apartment the chances of being uncomfortable are raised as I have left my "comfort" zone. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel weird and uncomfortable if I don't check to see if I have my keys and make sure they are in my hand before I leave the apartment even though I know where they are 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the ritual of constantly checking to see if my keys are on me before I leave the apartment to create a feeling of comfort and safeness within me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uncomfortable if I don't participate in the ritual of gathering my things and checking obsessively over and over again to make sure that I have my keys on me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly make sure I have my keys on me before I get out of my car even though I know they are on me. 

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that the memories of locking my keys in my apartment and car have helped created this ritualistic behavior of making sure I have my keys on me two, three, or four times before I leave my apartment. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say "ok, my keys are in my bag" and then gather the rest of my books, notebooks, and music and then check again when I have physically put my keys in my bag and have said out loud that they are in my bag. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to label myself as OCD because I have a ritualistic behavior of checking to make sure my keys are on me multiple times before I leave my apartment. 

1 comment:

  1. I commit myself today, to ensuring I have everything I need just one time, and be mindful about it, so I am certain, and leave no space for uncertainty to creep in.x.

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