Friday, May 17, 2013
Day 174: Finding a Job
I have been looking for a job because I can't afford to take out another loan because of the debt I am in. There are 4 sources that I can use for employment history although I have worked at over 12 different places since I was 15 years old. The other sources I can't use because I quit without giving a 2 weeks notice and quit because I hated the job. Sometimes I ended up quitting a job because I got hired at another place. One time I was working at a fast food restaurant and on my break I walked outside to smoke like usual and got in my car and went back to my apartment because in the back of my mind I knew I had an interview at a grocery store so I said fuck it and left. I was fed up with how fast food works and decided to just leave on my break. So I just left this girl I was working with alone and we were supposed to close the store. Quite a shitty way to treat someone. There were plenty of other jobs where I just quit. So I cannot use a lot of my sources. When I quit and didn't have money my parents would support me but this has ended. So I fear not being able to have a job to have an income and I fear hating my job that I might get because they have mostly been fast food and grocery stores.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to quit a job without giving a 2 weeks notice and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in an emotion of hating the job I was working and accepted and allowed this emotion of hating the jobs I have worked at to lead me to quitting in an impulsive way and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act impulsively without considering the effect it has on others who I worked with and not realizing that I was acting in self interest and in no way treating others in a way that is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to quit a job in an impulsive way based on my emotions of disliking the job and not realizing that when I quit my job at Subway and left the person I was supposed to close with that I placed her in a shitty position of having to close the store by herself and within this I feel guilt within me so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for leaving my coworker alone to close the store.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to leave a person in a shitty position even though I knew what I was doing but allowed my self interest to take over not realizing that this is in no way that is best for all but based on selfishness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to get a job and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I get a job during the summer that I will hate it not realizing that this is an opportunity to be able to put my 2 weeks in before I quit working and within this I realize that putting in my 2 weeks before I quit is best for me and best for the job I might be working at as I realize putting in my 2 weeks is best for me and best for all because I will have a reference to put on future applications and have not fucked over the people that I work with.
When and as I see/realize/notice within myself that I feel the need to walk out of a job and quit, I stop and I breathe. I realize that walking out on a job without giving a two weeks notice that I am acting upon my emotions and will later regret what I have done and I realize that walking out of a job without putting in my two weeks is screwing those who I work with and is in no way living in a way that is best for all. I also realize that walking out on a job in the middle of a shift is acting impulsively based on the emotions that I feel I commit myself to put in my two weeks before I quit a job and to not accept or allow my emotions to direct me when and as I feel the need to walk out. I commit myself to investigate when and as I act in impulsive ways.