Thursday, May 23, 2013

Day 178: Alcohol Fueled Anger

It was sometime last week and I had an interaction with a friend. A bunch of us were chilling and drinking beer outside of my friend's place who lives on the third floor of the apartment complex that I live in. We were grilling out that day. Me and my buddy were trying to get in my friend's apartment where my guitar was at but his door was locked and we all knew he was in there but he wasn't answering because he had a girl in his apartment. I remember doing this same thing to a friend a few years ago. We knocked a few times and then I started to knock really hard and a friend of mine said "Stop It!" in an angry voice. I waited a few minutes and knocked again and she said the same thing and I replied with "Shut the Fuck Up!" in a tone of voice that implied that she was a dumb ass. We kind of argued for a bit and she became very angry and threatened to hit me. This would not have happened if alcohol wasn't involved. I walked away. This girl punched a friend of mine the day before, LOL.

This girl only comes around me when she wants me to buy alcohol or "bum" a beer or a cigarette and what I just said is the backchat that I have when I am around her. There are some times when she knocks on my door and I don't answer and I have the same backchat. The next day my buddy who lives on the third floor and this same girl came to my door and knocked. I peaked through the blinds and we all connected eyes. They were aware that I was there but I didn't answer. The same thing happened 2 or so minutes later. Later a friend came down and we were talking about the situation that happened the night before and this same girl walked in my apartment because it wasn't locked. She asked me why I didn't answer the door and said some kind of lie that I can't remember like that I was busy. My other friend who was there were communicating through facial expressions when she wasn't looking at us. I feared telling her to leave. The thing was that she wasn't even aware of what happened the night before because of the alcohol.

This interaction that we had was the breaking point. I don't need to place myself around people like this and I have accepted and allowed myself to this whole semester. It is not worth being around someone when constant backchat is going on and especially when the alcohol turns someone into a violent person.

I will continue with Self Forgiveness in my next post.

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