Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Day 188: Biotin and Hair Growth Part Two



This post is continued from what I wrote in my previous post here below.

"So here again I am going through some past memories. When I was younger, freshman and sophomore year I wanted to grow my hair out. I thought that I would look cool if I had long hair and even tried to find ways of making it grow quicker than it would naturally. I remember going to a store where vitamins and other type of things were sold to help with the body. The body image. The protein shakes or other shit like that. I am not sure exactly what the purpose of this store was but they sold a lot of vitamins and health type things. Anyway, I wanted my hair to grow long and asked the person who was working if he knew of anything that would make hair grow quicker. He suggested biotin so I bought a bottle. I wanted my hair to be long so I could portray a certain type of image that I thought others would see as cool looking. It is no different than a woman using make up and fixing hair and that type of shit. I wanted my hair to grow quickly. I imagined myself with long hair and wanted/desired myself to have that image that I created. It is interesting because hair doesn't grow automatically but that is what I wanted it to do. I got sick of my hair not growing as quickly as I wanted it too so I ended up cutting it off very short like. I didn't have the patience to let it grow. Again, I was trying to portray an image of what I saw as cool. It is just like fashion. In my mind I wanted to be seen as a cool looking person, lol. I knew that if I cut it off short that these thoughts would stop and so that is what I did because I couldn't take it anymore. It is interesting because before coming across desteni I did the same thing as what many destonians have done and I as well have done which is shave the hair off. I couldn't stand living day by day and wanting to have a particular image of myself that I can't have.

When I visit my parents something similar happens. They moved to a new area and have planted a lot of trees. They are still very small but I imagine in my mind what they will look like years from now when they will be matured. I think "this area will look so cool in 10 to 20 years." I don't even see them from the living presence that they are but as a mental idea of how they might look 10 to 20 years from now.

This is all a futuristic mental projection.

I will continue with Self Forgiveness in my next post."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to grow my hair out during my beginning years of high school.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for ways to make my hair grow faster during my beginning years of high school and within this looking for a way to grow my hair faster to go to a health type of store, that sold vitamins and other things of this nature, and ask the guy working if he knew of anything that would help my hair grow quickly and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed his suggestion of taking biotin to influence me into buying a bottle of it so my hair would grow quicker than it would naturally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to grow my hair out long so that I could look cool in the eyes of others not realizing that this is a made up image in my mind of what I think looks cool in my mind and I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that this image of how I thought I would look with long hair is self created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine how I would look with long hair and to try and get my hair to grow long as quickly as I could by using biotin.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that anything that grows whether it be hair, a plant, an animal, or whatever grows in space and time and that my desire for wanting my hair to be long in order to look "cool" showed me my impatience and my want/desire for something to happen automatically instead of walking it in space and time.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that I cut my hair short because I couldn't stand how much I imagined myself with long hair and within this I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that cutting my hair short during this time was very supportive for me because when I cut my hair short all the thoughts of desiring/wanting for my hair to be long went away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to look cool in the eyes of other people not realizing that my desire/want of having my hair long is only but a mental idea of what I think looks cool and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I were to grow my hair out long then more people would like me because I look cool according to my mental idea of what looking cool looks like.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, see and understand how supportive shaving the hair is. Supportive by showing myself the beauty construct that is within/as me as I realize that once I shaved my hair I wondered what people thought about me when they saw me meaning that I have a beauty system demon within/as me otherwise, this paranoid thinking of "I wonder what they think about me with a bald head" would not have came up within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wonder/imagine what the young trees in my parents yard will look like in the future instead of seeing them for what they are in the very moment I look at them therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think "I wonder what these small trees will look like 10 to 20 years from now."

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that wondering/thinking of what these young trees will look like in the future is of the mind and is not me living within and as the breath here in the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be impatient and imagine/wonder how things will be like once they have grown whether it be a tree or hair not realizing that this is just an example of my mind consciousness system at play.

Will continue with Self Corrective and Self Commitment Statements in my next post.

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