Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Day 199: Afraid to Ask Questions Part Two

Continued from day 198

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to ask teachers questions when I don't understand something about an assignment or don't understand something about the class.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not ask questions in class because I think others will judge me as stupid or that my question is stupid not realizing that this is a thought and that I am acting on the thought of thinking others will think I am stupid or that my question is stupid and within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear asking questions in class.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not ask questions while in class because I want to be seen by others as a "smart" person who doesn't need to ask questions not realizing that this my ego at play and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire/want to be seen as a "smart" person not realizing that this is a point of separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the idea in my mind that I am "smart" and don't need to ask questions in class because I am "smart" and I forgive myself for acting/living the idea of being seen as "smart" in the eyes of others instead of being me as I am.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that when and as I am in class and don't ask questions because of the fear of being seen as stupid by others that I am acting out a character - this character is the "smart" character thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize/see when and as I act/live out this character.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize/see/understand that when and as I act out the "smart" character that I am living in the mind and not as myself as who I am in every moment of breath.

I commit myself to when and as I don't understand something about an assignment or what we are supposed to study for a class to ask the teacher either while in class or if it is a lecture class I commit myself to ask the teacher my questions after the class is over.

I commit myself to be aware of when and as I fear asking questions to a teacher.

I commit myself to stop the "smart" character when and as I notice myself acting it out by realizing/seeing that when I go into the "smart" character that I wonder/think what others might be thinking about me and when and as I see myself acting out this character I stop and breathe.

I commit myself to stop and breathe in and out when and as I am thinking that others will think that I am stupid or that the question I want to ask is stupid. 

I commit myself to investigate all the characters that I act out and the reasons why I act out these characters.







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