Thursday, July 11, 2013

Day 202: Consistency is not likely when Feelings and Emotions are Involved.

When I look at something I want to change about myself a lot of stuff happens and most of this "stuff" has to do with my imagination and not with my physical living. For example, I have been playing hacky sack lately and been exercising as in jogging/walking and doing sit ups and things like that. When I am done I think about what would happen if I kept doing these things everyday and what the end result would be. In many of my past blog posts it can be seen that I think about the outcome of doing something more than actually physically doing it. Like the other day I got done walking and jogging and started thinking what the benefits would be if I did that everyday for a month and this excitement came up within me but then... I now see/realize/understand that this excitement is based on energy and when the time comes tomorrow to do the same thing I will feel differently about it and I won't feel as hyped up about exercising as i was when I had those excited thoughts.

When reading through my past blog posts I can see/understand that this imaginative part of myself is very prominent within me and holds me back from walking physically day by day and breath by breath. So whenever I get excited about changing something about myself I know that it isn't real because that excitement is only energy and it runs out and the next day when the time comes to do the activity that I was excited about won't feel the same. I realize now that consistency with whatever activity, habit, skill etc... is not based on feelings because if it is the likeability of being consistent is less likely because it was based on an energetic feeling - like with me the excitement of thought and looking at the end result through thought instead of walking it in the physical. This I can see through playing the trumpet for many years and when I began doing the trumpet routine. Getting up everyday early and playing through the basic fundamentals of what it takes to play a brass instrument. A lot of the time I did not want to wake up and do it, which is an emotion. Eventually after six months of doing this it became habit and no emotions/feelings were involved. Well emotions and feelings still come up within me about playing this trumpet routine but it isn't as prominent as it was when I first started it. So I can see within this that the way to change myself is to do the thing and look at and investigate what emotions, feelings and thoughts come up within me.

Again, I have read through a lot of my past blog posts and this same point keeps coming up and I now understand that changing myself will not work as in consistency if emotions, thoughts and feelings are involved with why it is that I am doing what I am doing. So I see that I need to investigate the emotions, feelings and thoughts that come up within me when I am walking a point of changing a habit, studying, or learning a skill.

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