Continued from day 202
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to think of the benefits of playing hacky sack, jogging and walking, and doing sit ups will be like in the future not realizing that this imagined idea of the future is based on energy and it gets me excited and I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that this energy begins with a futuristic thought of how things will be and then leads to a feeling of excitement which then leads to a feeling of energy and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be possessed with this energy not realizing that this energy helps create more thoughts about the benefits of exercise will be like 30 days from now or anytime in the future and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the chain reaction of a futuristic thought leading to a feeling of excitement and then an energetic feeling to blind me from the physical and keep me in the mind where it is that I think I am actually doing something by thinking about it instead of physically doing it.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that my writings within my journey to life blog and my previous blog have shown that I have accepted and allowed futuristic thoughts about how things will be like in the future have lead to me being possessed by energy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust the thoughts that lead to a feeling of excitement and then create a feeling of energy that I can feel physically with my body instead of realizing that this energy is not sustainable because after sleeping and waking up the next day I will not feel as hyped up about exercising because it was all created in the mind instead of walked physically.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize/see when and as I become possessed with thoughts of how things will be like if I keep exercising and how it will benefit me in the future. I realize that when and as I get excited about how something may be like in the future that I am not physically walking it as effectively as I could if I just did the thing everyday without becoming possessed with the futuristic thoughts, excitement, and energy and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that this feeling of excitement and energy that was created by imagining how I will be like in the future if I exercise everyday created a good feeling within me that feels good, basically getting high off of my own thoughts.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that thought/feeling/imagination has held me back in me being consistent with whatever activity it is that I do because I have created myself to do activities based on futuristic mind projections and feelings.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that waking up and playing the trumpet for 2-3 hours every morning in the beginning was not a fun thing to do where I thought that doing it was useless but after doing it for several months these thoughts changed because I walked physically through the thoughts and physically did the thing instead of thinking about doing the thing and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize/understand that I can program myself to do any activity if I physically do that thing over and over until it becomes habit.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed my emotions/feelings/thoughts/imaginations to play more of an important role within me than actually physically doing the thing/activity it is that I do and within this I realize that imagination/thought about doing an activity and the results of what the outcome will be have only held me back from physically doing the activities that I participate in.