Continued from day 207
When I went to college I had the chance to vote in 2004 and didn't vote because I thought my single vote wouldn't make any difference, so I didn't vote. A few years later I saw the movie zeitgeist and I started questioning things. Very interesting film. The religion part of the movie was interesting and I suppose some truth in it exists. I also found out about Ron Paul during this time and thought he made sense in the republican debates. Hearing him speak got me interested in politics, the economy, the federal reserve, the WTO, the IMF, America's foreign and monetary policy, the drug war, the United Nations, present and past wars and things like that so I started researching this shit. This is when I started to become skeptical.
After seeing Zeitgeist, it reminded me of my past and the shit I saw in the church, and that question I have asked for a long time "What if someone isn't a Christian but is a good person, will they go to hell?" I became angry at all religious people around this time. I remember one time going shopping with my roommates and I saw an apostolic mom and her two daughters in the store. They all had long hair and were wearing long skirts. Her two daughters were quite young. I became very pissed off and thought this was brainwashing. Well, it is brainwashing and abuse because all children come into this world as innocent beings but are programmed through environment and through certain genetic conditions. Anyway, those two young children were maybe 8-10 years old and I imagined myself walking up to them and telling them that they were being brainwashed and that they should not listen to their mom. That is what I wanted to do. I imagined myself doing just that in my mind.
After all of this I looked at all Christians as evil and had so much anger towards them as I still do today, although it has lessened and isn't as intense as it was. But although I was raised in the church I never found out any of the principles of what Jesus stood for except "Love Your Neighbor As Yourself." I saw that obviously the majority of those who were members of my dad's church's did not live according to that principle. I ended up hating Jesus and blamed Jesus for how people treated each other. I know in society a lot of people make fun of Jesus in all kinds of things like films, stand up comedians, things like that. I hated Jesus and never investigated anything about Jesus because I thought that I knew all about Jesus through going to church and seeing how his followers treated each other. This is a perfect example of skepticism because I thought I knew all about the Chrisitan religion and Jesus but I never investigated what Jesus stood for. I realize that the bible has been written by men and not by the so-called imaginary God that people worship. So I didn't investigate the actual message of Jesus.
I had to investigate both sides of Christianity; the Atheist and the Christian. After doing this I realized that both sides are more concerned about the bible and fighting each other based on ego than the message that Jesus stood for. Some Christians take some bible verses literally and some don't. Some Atheists take the obvious evil bible verses that bash females, gays, and those verses that are pro slavery and things like that and focus on them. I used to do this. But the bible was written by males and not by a God. It seems that a very small amount of Christians and Atheists know the principles of Jesus and what he stood for.
I now realize that egos and skeptics go hand in hand.
I will continue with self forgiveness next time