Saturday, August 3, 2013

Day 209: My Life as a Skeptic Part Three

After reading through my past two blog posts I realize that I have not been a very good investigator. Being skeptical towards religion and Christianity is just one example of my skepticism. I have researched certain parts of something that will prove myself right because I want to be seen as being right, correct, intelligent. This is ego and self interest. Wanting to be seen as better and more intelligent than others even though I haven't investigated whatever it is that I am researching properly. I have judged before I have investigated so what I end up investigating will be chosen like picking parts here or there that will confirm that my initial judgment was correct. 



Self Forgiveness on days 207 and 208

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in an emotion of anger where I became angry at my parents for making me go to church instead of realizing that I was only forced to go to church and that Christianity was not shoved down my throat because when growing up while at home Christianity and the beliefs of the church were rarely talked about. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge anyone that believes in a God, anyone who is a Christian, a Muslim, a Buddhist, anyone who is religious as stupid and brainwashed not realizing that my judgment of religious people is based on my observation of the activity that went on in the churchs I went to while growing up and my observation of religious people throughout the world and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I meet someone and find out that they are religious to immediately classify/judge/label them as stupid not realizing that I am separating myself from them by placing them into a category of people who I think are brainwashed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall to the opposite side of Christianity - Atheism, not realizing that when I became an "Atheist" I did so based on my observations of the churchs I went to while growing up and not realizing I became an "Atheist" because I was angry at religion and Christians. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to label myself according to the beliefs I have had - spiritual beliefs like Christianity and later as an Atheist. 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to label others that I went to high school with as preps, jocks, stoners, nerds, goths, and band geeks not realizing that I am separating myself from others by placing them into a specific category and I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that these categories that I have placed people in while in high school is how I still judge others today - judging someone based on how they dress and who they hang out with or talk to. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the memory of going shopping at the grocery with my ex girlfriend and our roommate and seeing a mom with long hair and a long dress with her two daughters with long hair and long dresses on where I became angry and imagined myself going up to the two young girls and telling them to not listen to their mother because she is brainwashing them not realizing that I was so angry because seeing this mom and her two daughters who had long hair and long dresses on reminded me of my first serious girlfriend who dumped me and all of a sudden became "Apostolic" who only wore long dresses and had long hair. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself blame Jesus for how Christians are and act today instead of realizing that Jesus has nothing to do with how Christians live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to read the bible looking for verses that will prove to me that Christians and the bible are evil and focusing on these verses instead of reading the stories that are in the books of the bible not realizing that before I even investigated the bible or Jesus I had my mind made up which led me to gather a biased opinion and further fueled my ego and anger towards those people who call themselves Christians. 


















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