A lot of shit has been rolling around in my mind lately. More so than usual. Maybe it has to do with that I am living back home with my parents after not living with them for almost 10 years. It has taken me 10 years to get an undergraduate degree. I worked a few years during this time. Throughout my "college" experience I have failed many classes because I didn't go to class and didn't do the homework or study the shit because I have always thought it was a waste of time.
A lot of problems have happened because I have questioned authority and the teachers or "professor". Almost getting kicked out of school because of this. This is an excuse I use for not writing myself out - because I think if I write myself out something will again be used against me so I can't get that piece of paper of confirmed indoctrination. Excuses excuses, lol.
Throughout the years I have become more pissed of because of the realization of the fucking debt I have - student loans. I realize year after year my debt is growing and the interest on this debt is another thing that pisses me off. I feel as if I will be a slave for the majority of the rest of my life.
This is an excuse I use for putting my process on a halt or stand still. I think "this system is so fucked up so fuck it, fuck everything". I used to write myself out more consistently but this is an excuse and I remember a blog post I did recently when I realized that when I don't write myself out and investigate what the hell is going on within me the more cloudy things get.