Friday, May 30, 2014

Day 235: The Educational Institution of Jazz - Part One

It is interesting how things have changed over the last century. Back in the day people learned how to improvise and play jazz by meeting people on the streets and going to clubs and bars. It was a community type of thing. No institution was involved in creating the art form we call "jazz" but today it is something completely different. The educational institution has taken over.



I remember hearing an interview with Miles Davis saying that he left Julliard because everything was being created on the streets and that was what he wanted to be a part of instead of having some white man telling him how to play like a white man, lol. That was in the 1950s. Today, nothing is done on the streets. If any jazz music is being played in the bars today the players are most likely to have been educated or went to school to learn how to play music.

The educational institution has killed jazz at the moment. This "style" of music was not created by an educational institution but by individuals coming together to create.

You are more likely to get a gig today if you have been the professor's pet and if the professor has connections he will set you up with them when you graduate. Nothing is real anymore. It is all institutionalized.

Will continue...


Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Day 234: Practical Self-Commitments and Self-Corrective Statements continued

This is related to days 231 and 233

I commit myself to write self commitment statements that I can follow through with. I realize that I only know what I can follow through with and when and as I see myself coming up with ideas based on my imagination that are not practical I stop myself and breathe in and breathe out and bring myself back here and continue with committing myself to practical self commitments

I commit myself to utilize common sense self commitments that I know I can handle instead of self commitments based on some idea of who I want myself to be.

I commit myself to when and as I see and realize that I am imagining myself have changed to stop and breathe in and out. I realize that this imagination fucks with me because it is easier to imagine myself as having walked through something than to physically walk through it.

I commit myself to be aware of the connection between imagination and the energy it creates. I realize that the imagination has nothing to do with walking the physical and that is why energy is created through the imagination and I realize walking a point is not involved in energy. I commit myself to walk through the small and simple self commitments I have written out.

I commit myself to investigate and write myself out when and as I see myself going into the mind and imagining myself walking something. I realize that walking a point is done in the physical and that the mind interferes with this process.


Monday, May 26, 2014

Day 233: energetic behavior

This is connected to day 231

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to write self commitment statements that are too much for me to handle. 




I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to write self commitment statements based on the imagination instead of what I am capable of walking. I forgive myself for setting high standards for myself. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine myself as have changed not realizing that this is the imagination and has nothing to do with the physical and that the change is only corrected and done through the physical and within this I realize that the imagination can fuck with me. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my imagination to fuck with me due to imagined projections of how I have changed without realized that this imagined projection is NOT REAL and is only in the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in the imagined ideas/projections of how I have changed not realizing that these imagined ideas/projections create energy within me that I can feel and am aware of and within this I forgive myself for allowing these energies to take a hold of me and direct me instead of realizing that they will eventually run out. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing energy to control my behavior and actions. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize when I am acting in energy. 


Friday, May 23, 2014

Day 232: Wanting to go back to high school

Today I was filling out my stafford loan exit interview and saw the money that I owe in student loans. A feeling of despair and anguish came up within me. I suddenly remembered being in high school and how I didn't have that many worries and desired going back to high school. I also had a feeling of dread about the future and fear about not being able to get a decent job. This then led me to think about how if I don't get a decent job I will be paying off my student loans for the rest of my life.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in an emotion of despair and anguish when I was filling out the stafford loan exit application.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing filling out the stafford loan exit application to trigger the want and desire to feel as I did in high school where I didn't have many worries.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dread the future and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in an emotion of fear where I fear that I won't get a good job and will be in debt for the rest of my life.

I commit myself to when and as thoughts and emotions about my student loan debt come up to stop myself and breathe in and breathe out. 

I commit myself to stop and breathe when and as I remember the times in high school where I didn't have many worries or responsibilities. I realize that that time is over and that I can't go back to that time of having no responsibilities and I realize that these thoughts of the times when I didn't worry much or had many responsibilities triggered me to go into the mind so I could escape this reality and feel better for a few seconds. So within this I commit myself to investigate and face my worries and fear through self writing. 

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Day 231: Practical Self-Commitments and Self-Corrective Statements

 Writing self-commitment statements has been very supportive for me because I am aware of the situation going on that allows me to either continue with the same pattern or to breathe and simply stop. But I have noticed that the majority of my self-commitment statements are not viable or practical as in the walking of the commitment. It is like I haven't allowed myself to set practical commitments and this is because of my mind. 



While writing this right now I had to pause for a second. This "stuck" moment. I think a lot of things are involved in why my self-commitments are not practical like the imagination, comparison, competition, time, ego, and all kinds of other dimensions. LOL, layers and layers of shit. Will continue later. 

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Day 230: My Ego and Light and Love Part Two



I commit myself to stop posting knowledge and information online with the intent of getting a reaction or rise out of people. 

I commit myself to not accept and allow myself to join facebook groups that I know I don't agree with as I realize that seeing the posts are a trigger point for me to want and show my point of view.

I commit myself to be aware of when I want/desire to present my point of view to other people and I commit myself to be aware of the energy that goes with this want/desire.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when and as I want/desire to share my point of view to others while knowing in the back of my mind I am wanting/desiring to get the upper hand.

I commit myself to focus on myself and all of the internal things going on within me - the backchat, the thoughts, feelings, emotions, reactions, judgments, ideas, etc.. as I realize that by focusing on myself is a point of self responsibility that is best for me and every other living creature on this earth.

I commit myself to notice/be aware of the judgments that I have towards others and within this I commit myself to investigate the interconnected relationship between judging others and the reflection of myself.

I commit myself to remind myself when and as I judge another person that my judgment will always be invalid as I realize that I have never lived in that person's shoes so any judgment has nothing to do with them but me. 







Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Day 229: My Ego and Light and Love

I haven't written anything in quite a while. I have all kinds of excuses and justifications rolling around in my noggin as to why I haven't wrote myself out and what is going on within me internally so I will have to eventually get to that shit.

A lot of FB groups exist about ascension and 5th density bullshit. I have joined a few of these groups. What I have done is challenged their belief systems by responding to the light and love posts and other shit like that. The responses are like "You are very negative" or some shit like that. One group I joined was called "Positive Thinking" or something like that. I don't remember the exact name. I would post George Carlin and Desteni stuff in order to get a rise out of the people in the group and they reacted. I thought, "How can these people not understand the principle of polarity?" I would always compare the light and love view to using drugs - no difference.

 But what I have realized is that I get a high off of the responses from the people who were part of the "light and love" and "positive thinking group"(s) by challenging their belief systems. I like arguing. I enjoy the energetic high. And I also realize that I tend to judge others when I am not focused on myself. This is something I have learned from self-writing. When I write consistently my automatic judgments towards others lessens or I tend to look at things from other angles - as in placing myself in their shoes instead of automatically judging and believing these judgments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to post knowledge and information on facebook groups with the want/desire of getting a rise or reaction out of those in the group and within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that posting this knowledge and information with the goal of getting a rise out of others is ego thus I forgive myself for not allowing myself to realize when my ego is the starting point of sharing information. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to join facebook groups just so I can share my opposite point of view with the members of the group not realizing that this is my ego taking over. 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see/realize when I am in an energetic state of mind and when I get a high off of this energetic state of mind. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to post knowledge and information in facebook groups knowing that I will get a reaction out of those who view or read whatever it is I post not realizing that I am posting for the sole purpose of trying to show others that I disagree with the views they present and so I therefore have to present my opposite point of view and within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that this is an act of war. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to focus more on others than on myself not realizing that when I focus on others that I am living in fear of what I am accepting and allowing within and as me. 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that writing helps lessen my judgment of others because my focus is on myself. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself based on some mental idea of who I want to be and who I want others to see me as instead of realizing that this is just a mental picture that has nothing to do with the physical. I realize that who I am is the physical in every moment of breath, day by day, breath by breath and not a mental picture or idea of who I want or desire to be. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge others without realizing that I have not lived in that person's shoes so my judgment of them will always be invalid.