Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Day 229: My Ego and Light and Love

I haven't written anything in quite a while. I have all kinds of excuses and justifications rolling around in my noggin as to why I haven't wrote myself out and what is going on within me internally so I will have to eventually get to that shit.

A lot of FB groups exist about ascension and 5th density bullshit. I have joined a few of these groups. What I have done is challenged their belief systems by responding to the light and love posts and other shit like that. The responses are like "You are very negative" or some shit like that. One group I joined was called "Positive Thinking" or something like that. I don't remember the exact name. I would post George Carlin and Desteni stuff in order to get a rise out of the people in the group and they reacted. I thought, "How can these people not understand the principle of polarity?" I would always compare the light and love view to using drugs - no difference.

 But what I have realized is that I get a high off of the responses from the people who were part of the "light and love" and "positive thinking group"(s) by challenging their belief systems. I like arguing. I enjoy the energetic high. And I also realize that I tend to judge others when I am not focused on myself. This is something I have learned from self-writing. When I write consistently my automatic judgments towards others lessens or I tend to look at things from other angles - as in placing myself in their shoes instead of automatically judging and believing these judgments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to post knowledge and information on facebook groups with the want/desire of getting a rise or reaction out of those in the group and within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that posting this knowledge and information with the goal of getting a rise out of others is ego thus I forgive myself for not allowing myself to realize when my ego is the starting point of sharing information. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to join facebook groups just so I can share my opposite point of view with the members of the group not realizing that this is my ego taking over. 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see/realize when I am in an energetic state of mind and when I get a high off of this energetic state of mind. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to post knowledge and information in facebook groups knowing that I will get a reaction out of those who view or read whatever it is I post not realizing that I am posting for the sole purpose of trying to show others that I disagree with the views they present and so I therefore have to present my opposite point of view and within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that this is an act of war. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to focus more on others than on myself not realizing that when I focus on others that I am living in fear of what I am accepting and allowing within and as me. 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that writing helps lessen my judgment of others because my focus is on myself. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself based on some mental idea of who I want to be and who I want others to see me as instead of realizing that this is just a mental picture that has nothing to do with the physical. I realize that who I am is the physical in every moment of breath, day by day, breath by breath and not a mental picture or idea of who I want or desire to be. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge others without realizing that I have not lived in that person's shoes so my judgment of them will always be invalid. 


 

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