Thursday, June 5, 2014

Day 236: Fear of working fast food

As time goes on I fear that I won't be able to get a good job when I graduate. When I was talking to this woman on the phone the other day about my transcripts I was put on hold and thought, "I am going to get a shitty job and am never going to be able to pay back my student loans." "I am just going to have to work at McDonald's and live with my parents the rest of my life.

It reminded me of when I worked at McDonald's, Subway's, and other fast food places while in high school and in my early years in college. I don't want to go back to that time. It made me also think that if I work 40 hours a week at these places I am only going to have enough money to pay my student loans.

Looking at it now I see that I am making up scenarios in my mind about the future and what could happen.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will have to work fast food when I graduate. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, "I am going to get a shitty job and am never going to be able to pay back my student loans".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, "I am just going to have to work at McDonald's and live with my parents for the rest of my life".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to while I was on hold with the university to remember the times I have worked at fast food places and horrible times I had while working at these places. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play out scenarios in my mind, making up ideas of how the future is not going to be good for me. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I will be working at McDonald's to only pay off my student loans and I won't be able to get my own place because all of my money will be going to my student loans. 



I commit myself to when and as I think that I will end up working a fast food job when I graduate to stop and breathe. I realize that I will have to work somewhere as soon as I graduate so I can pay off my debt and I realize it might take some time to find a better job. I also realize that many people work fast food jobs and they probably don't like it any better than I do so I understand that at the moment I am better off than them. 

I commit myself to when and as I think "I am just going to have to work at McDonald's and live with my parents for the rest of my life" to stop and breathe in and out. I realize that this thought is based on the imagination and is not something I truly believe but is something I play out in my mind because I am pissed off at my current situation. I commit myself to see/realize that whenever I see myself thinking "I am just going to have to work at McDonald's and live with my parents for the rest of my life" that I am thinking this thought based on my emotions and to go on with whatever it is that I am doing at the time. 

I commit myself to stop and breathe when and as I remember the times that I worked fast food and had to deal with customers getting mad. I realize that any job has shitty parts about it. I commit myself to go through whatever job I may have to get in order to get a better job. 

I commit myself to stop playing scenarios out in my mind where I imagine the worst happening to me and when and as I see/notice/realize that I am playing these imagined scenarios out in my mind to stop and breathe in and breathe out. 

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