Monday, June 16, 2014

Day 238: Racist Comments

5 years ago I was at a family get together and had an uncomfortable experience. We were eating lunch and someone at the table said something racist and then another person at the table said something else that was racist. I have always remembered this moment. After hearing this I became quiet and angry and didn't say a thing for the rest of meal. This memory comes up every now and then when I see this person and it is like something I justify to myself as to why I should not like this person.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the memory where I was at a family get together and hearing someone making racist comments and after hearing these racist comments to become quiet and angry where I couldn't even talk and sat in my own little world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing seeing this person to trigger the memory of hearing them make a racist comment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use this memory as an excuse as to why I should not like this person.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dislike a person just because they said something that was racist.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that this memory of hearing someone at a family get together make a racist comment has led me to not wanting to be around this person and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be and feel uncomfortable while around this person just because they made a racist comment.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that communicating with this person is difficult because the memory pops up when I am around this person.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at someone who made a racist while we were eating a meal together.

I commit myself to when and as seeing this person triggers the memory of this person saying a racist comment while at a family get together to stop and breathe in and out. I realize this memory has made it difficult for me to be myself around this person and I realize that this memory is hindering how I would normally communicate with them. I commit myself to stop myself from going in my own little world when I see this person and the uncomfortable feeling I have while around this person through the breathe and to not accept and allow myself to stay in my own mind when around this person.

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