Monday, September 22, 2014

Day 240: Reacting to Co-Workers

At work I tend to dislike the hostesses because they come up to me and tell me that a table needs to be set for 6, 8, or 16, or whatever. One of the hostesses I don't like because she always calls me by the wrong name. The other day she called me Todd or something and I said my name is John. She said, "whatever, I need table 62 and 63 for 8" When I walked away I said "Bitch" in my mind.

Why did I take this personally and and call her a bitch in my mind? Before my shift was over I realized that we were both busy. The backchat or name calling in my mind occurred during the lunch rush. I also don't know all the duties she is responsible for so I don't know what it is like to work her job. My reaction was automatic and had to do more with me than her. During the rush hours I notice I get very up tight and am on edge.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to the hostess who called me by the wrong name and while walking away to call her a bitch in my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that when she called me by the wrong name that it triggered the memory of her calling me by the wrong name in the past and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the memories of her calling me by the wrong name and not realizing that I was accepting and allowing these memories to build up to the point of calling her a bitch in my mind. 


I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that when I called the hostess a bitch in my mind that it was during the rush hour and I was pent up. I realize that when I am pent up and up tight that I am very much more likely to react automatically. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become pent up and up tight during the rush hour, thinking that I have to bus every table as quickly as I can not realizing that this type of thinking is what puts me on edge and makes me up tight. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into a pent up and up tight state of mind and to then take it out on another person in my mind.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I don't know what it is like to do another person's job so my judgment of that person is completely invalid. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to call another person a bitch in my mind because they forgot my name as I realize that I have forgot others names as well.

tbc



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